In cooking it is crucial to follow a procedure in order to properly make an edible dish. To add the eggs before removing the shells can prove to be disastrous. Relationships have a similarly important set of steps. Get to know the person, establish a comfort conversing, exchange views and ideologies. All previous things are important steps to accomplish BEFORE hopping into bed with said person. You see I skipped these steps and because of this, expectations of the other party were not met and I could have very well have cost myself the relationship. Miss-communication is the leading cause of conflict. With this thought in mind I reach for my phone to text him, and... I LEFT IT IN HIS CAR!!! The ONLY way of contacting him is on silent in his car.
This is new territory and I don't know how to act. I made myself vulnerable and easy and now I do not know what I have to show for it.
Unfortunately, this is but the latest show of bad judgment I have displayed since coming to college...
To start from the beginning...
The first night I was on campus I met a guy (you can tell this is bad already[foreshadow] ) anyway he was cute and seemed nice enough. I spent my first two nights of college in his bed. No I did not have sex, no he was not even a good kisser. On the third day here he tells me that he has a crush on my roommate instead and would like to pursue her. Ok... well after one date she rejected him and then he tried to get back together with me! (Tool)
A week later... I was at this dance party with a few guys I had met hours before. There was one in particular I was interested in. We danced (and by dance of course I mean basically have sex on the dance floor with our cloths on :( I am not liking myself the more I write this.) The next night we hang out and end up sucking face outside my dorm room for half an hour. The next day he acts like nothing happened and when confronted about it he said that he didn't want ANY kind of relationship with a girl besides one of friendship; that he had had some serious issues in the past that he just couldn't get over. Yeah, we are doing the whole friend thing now. (My roommate now is obsessed with him. Yes, she knows about my feelings toward him and the make out session.) To be fair to her, I did say that it was ok for her to go after him.
Next, the party night. Since being in College, there was only one night that I went balls to the wall partying... and did I go all out. Dressed in my hottest (and most scandalous) outfit, I go out with a guy that I had met twice. We meet up with his "crew" and IMMEDIATELY start pounding vodka. The crew and I walk to a passion part (my first) because of the promise of more vodka (which I drank WAY too much of). After being significantly wasted, I agree to climb into the bed of a pick up truck with three other people, and drive on the interstate, clear across town. Once there, it becomes known that I had never smoked out of a bong, so three appear and I am expected to take every other hit (this is were things take a very nasty, semi-blurred turn for the worst.) Everything was moving so fast and then I couldn't stand. There were guys I didn't know standing around looking at me, like I was a piece of meat to be divided and shared. I felt like puking. I felt scared; really scared like I haven't felt in so long... and then he texted me. This guy that I thought that I might have a crush on, texted me. Hallelujah, I had found away out of this hellish nightmare. Some how he got someone to text him the address and he came and got me. He drove me home, carried me to my bathroom, waited around as I threw my guts up (very unattractively and ALL over the public bathroom floor), and then help me get into my room never once trying to take advantage of my compromised state. After that night we hung out here and there, and still he made no advance, until finally, over a week later, by way of miss-sent text, we get together (sort of). By sort of I mean we did everything but have actual sex. We didn't have sex because I never have before and do not exactly want it to be a casual experience with a guy I hardly know (yes, the part about being naked with him in bed does make the previous statement seem hypocritical, I get that, but it is the way I feel.) That first day he was fine with not having sex (I "forgot" to mention that I was a sort-of-virgin). Last night, however, he did not seem quite as understanding... things were great at first. We were having a good time, until I had to tell him no and the reason. This could be all in my head, since I have not had the chance to talk to him today, but he seemed put off for lack of better term.
Wow... maybe instead of college confession as the title to my blog it should be confessions of a ho :( maybe then I would get more profile views...
-College Nobody
Oh and P.S. I joined the fencing club!